"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." Elizabeth Stone

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The one where my husband dances with purple elephants.

So I met with my ob today, to talk about how out-of-control I've been feeling and how I can't seem to make it better. Some days it feels like I'm falling apart and I can't get the peices back together. *deep breath* This was really hard for me, I have a very hard time asking for help and really didn't like telling the doc about what's been going on in my head lately. Thankfully he didn't ask much and I didn't have to say much. He is an ob, not a psychologist, his business is delivering babies. I guess he doesn't really need to know the specifics, just that I can't cope right now.
He calmly told me I am depressed and have an anxiety disorder. He prescribed an anti-depressant and gave me a referral to a psychiatrist. He didn't judge me, tell me I was crazy, and I haven't had any visits from CPS so I would say it went pretty well. Also my script isn't going to cost a small fortune so another plus. We'll deal with the cost of the head doctor and coronary I'm going to have when I get the bill when it happens. One step at a time.
I did what I thought I could never do. I admitted I need help and I got it.
Now for the bad news. I don't take meds. Tylenol and Tylenol PM, Tums, Nyquil when I absolutely need it, that's about it. When I was pregnant I was on blood pressure meds that laid me out for about a week, until we got the dose right. So I was leary of taking this one. But I want my old life back, so I did it. Now, I'm sitting here feeling like I'm puke, dizzy and fighting double vision as I type. I wasn't sure this was normal so I checked the side effects... all normal.
Hallucinations are not. As the hubs and I read through the list, he told me if I see him dancing in the middle of the living room with a large purple elephant it was a safe bet that was NOT happening and I should probably let him know so he could call the dr.
Gotta love the hubs. He's always good for a laugh.
As for the meds I'll give them a couple weeks hope the side effects mellow and they do as promised and even me out.


  1. The side effects should mellow out once your body adjusts to the medicine. You really are doing the best thing for yourself right now. xoxo

  2. Ditto to Mrs. B. but the nausea seriously sucks. I've taken this ride before. Good luck to you.

  3. Ashley the first step was the hardest and so happy you finally went to your doctor and sure hope your body acclimates to the meds. It would be so nice for your family and yourself for the happy person I think is inside you to come back out.
    Love your favorite things, especially the family photos and you hang in there!!!!

    jackie b central texas